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Keywords:

• First off: I'm drunk so fuck you.

Keywords:

• i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles

Comment: cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

Keywords:

• Going to spend my cab money on

Comment: more shots and just take the ambulance home

Keywords:

• Thank you for holding my vodka

Comment: while the police let me ride their horse.

Keywords:

• all i remember is you climbed

Comment: in a garbage can and said you were trashed

Keywords:

• o shit let me call u back

Comment: theres a hamburger in my pocket

Keywords:

• I just punched cris angel in the balls.

Comment: I have photos.

Keywords:

• My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.

Keywords:

• You act like I was drinking alone...

Comment: I had the entire Verizon network with me

Keywords:

• i find it simply astounding

Comment: you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

Keywords:

• The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

Keywords:

• This is a drunk text message.

Comment: I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

Keywords:

• wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

Comment: "IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT"

Keywords:

• This is a mass text.

Comment: Does anyone know where I am?

Keywords:

• I'll be there in 5 min.

Comment: If not, read this again.